just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
