Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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