Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
