I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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