True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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