Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
