Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
