Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
