he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
