I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize