where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
someone owes me an orgasm
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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