Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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