Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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