yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
