I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
