i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
