I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
