he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
