I want to have your abortion
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
