I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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