Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize