You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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