So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
