She is in my trunk
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
