Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
