i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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