yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
