sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
