Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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