im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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