I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think my moral compass just broke
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
