wanna go halves on a baby?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
