Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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