my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize