the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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