he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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