Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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