Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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