My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I supernannyed him into submission
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
