guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
as a side note pls kill me
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
