is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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