No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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