i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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