Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
