Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
