I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
