mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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