I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
