Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
