apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
