a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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