OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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