Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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