My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
