I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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