so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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