you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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