Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
