Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
