We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
