a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
