I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize