Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
