last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
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i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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