as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
