you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
