We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm always down for nudity.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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