I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
