Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
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An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
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I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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