I'm jealous of your bromance
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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