just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
