JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
