is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
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I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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