i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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