the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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