She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
