I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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