I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
