The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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